gray skies, downpours and hearts of sorrow

Dear Adam,

It rained today, high of 18 C. Yesterday was 34 C and sunny.
I thank God for the rain and the gray. It breaks my heart, and reminds me I need Him.
I wish I always had a broken heart. Solomon said the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, and fools in the house of pleasure. I hate that I can spend 3 days without intentional prayer.

I have new lessons starting this week. Frustrating that its on the north end of town and could take upwards of 1.5 hours to get there, but I am thankful, 3 times a week for 2 hours per time.
I was going to work at a new French Bakery in town. But, 1000 ron per month ($306) for 160 hours of work is not worth it. I also was considering working at a school teaching kindergarten English. I also didnt have peace about this. Confirming I think I got two phone calls this weekend about lessons. Only one panned out, but it is enough. And I will still have time to practice guitar, and go to the clinic to pray. That is trully how I would like to spend my time.

I got a plane ticket home for thanksgiving today. Mom and Dad, Amanda and I are coming to see you. I cant wait. I hope you'll be there too Maria and Jon. I miss you guys so much.

Today I realized that I am tired of status quo christianity. I am tired of giving God less, Someone once said the greatest battles are won on our knees with empty stomaches. I havent had sore knees and hunger pains in a long time, My ipod is almost always on, I think my eardrums need some rest. It seems obsessive and an abuse of art when you are so saturated you dont know what to listen to.
I think its time to look away, turn off, shut down, and be still, and let my heart break a little more everyday.

Your international Friend,

Nate
we all have our beliefs but we dont want our beliefs, God of peace, we want you